What about now
by WhenIwasyoung
Summary: Songfic. About Millie Brown leaving and her and Max Carters feelings for each other. Enjoy.


**Disclamier** – I own nither the song nor the Characters, or even the concept of The Bill. Facing "rumours" that Millie Brown is leaving I thought this song was a good one for her and Max Carter.

Song is "What about now" by Westlife. It's brillant.

**When writing is in bold, it's both their thoughts. **

_Shadows fill an empty heart  
As love is fading,  
From all the things that we are  
But are not saying  
Can we see beyond the scars  
And make it to the dawn? _

I'm leaving in a few days, and I keep wondering if I should tell him how I feel. Every time I think of telling him my heart feels like its being covered with dark clouds. I can just image his reaction. But what if…he may think I'm an idiot but I saw his face when he saw I was fine at the end of the kidnapping. Even if he did just forget about me afterwards. It's a shame we didn't get to work closley on another case, something could have happened but I think his feelings – if he had any – faded when he didn't have to worry if I was in danger. Of coure he may just have been feeling guilty. Why am I stopping myself from saying anything to him? I'm leaving, he wont be able to ignore me every day. He's such a trouble man, and the scars run deep, he's never let anyone in.

But Maybe…..

_Change the colors of the sky  
And open up to  
The ways you made me feel alive,  
The ways I loved you  
For all the things that never died,  
To make it through the night,  
Love will find you_

She's leaving in a few days. I only just found out, they were having a collection for her. I don't know what to do. I know she liked me before all that with the kid-napping but afterwards….well it's not like I hang around with them all at the pub. And not working on a case with her I havent seen her in months apart from the odd sighting in the station. She made me feel things I'd never felt before. She made me see that maybe not everyone is bad and she proved me wrong. I've never been so scared as when I found out she'd gone. Usually its my own life in danger not someone elses. But I know myself. I cant let anyone see me like this. She'll be gone in a few days, then I can forget about her and she can find someone else, someone whos knows how to love.

I wish it was me.

_What about now?  
What about today?  
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?  
What if our love never went away?  
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?  
Baby, before it's too late,  
What about now?_

I suppose I could tell **him** now. Today.

I suppose I could tell **her **now. Today.

What if I need **him** to challenge me, to fight with so that I can go out there and prove it?

What if I need **her** to prove to me that not everyone is bad, what if she could make me a better person?

I know I still like **him, **I just cant find the words to tell him without looking like a teenager with a crush on her teacher.

I have feelings for **her **I know I do, but I cant tell her without showing some emotion, and I need to stay emotionless for the job.

**But there are only a few days left. **

**It might be to late.**

**Unless I say it today.**

_The sun is breaking in your eyes  
To start a new day  
This broken heart can still survive  
With a touch of your grace  
Shadows fade into the light  
I am by your side,  
Where love will find you_

**I saw them today, at the station doors. The sun was shinning and I was so tempted to say something, but I couldn't. **

**I'll make it though, if nothing happens. If I don't work up the courage to tell them how I feel, I know it will take a while, but I'll keep living. **

She's so graceful. I couldn't help watch her today while I was queuing in the canteen. The sun was setting behind her.

**In the canteen, there was a brief moment when I was standing next to them. The words nearly came out "I love you," but we were called away for help on a case.**

_What about now?  
What about today?  
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?  
What if our love had never went away?  
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?  
Baby, before it's too late,  
What about now?_

**One day left, tomorrow. It's getting closer and closer to the end. **

_Now that we're here,  
Now that we've come this far,  
Just hold on  
There is nothing to fear,  
For I am right beside you.  
For all my life,  
I am yours.  
_

It's my last day today. I don't think I can tell him. I don't know if I could take the rejection. This is supposed to be a happy day. Im off to a new job. I was so close to telling him yesterday in the canteen. I know theres nothing to lose, nothing to fear, but all my courage seems to have left me. Being a police women means I should have loads, but when it comes to matters of the heart…

Part of my heart will always belong to him, even if he doesn't know it.

Its her last day today. All I need to do is hold on until the end of the evening and then it will all be over. She'll have left. It should make it easier, but knowing that I wont see her in this station at least once a week is hard. And although she doesn't know it, she's the first person to open my heart since I got here.

Part of my heart will always belong to her, even if she doesn't know it.


End file.
